What Have I Done

What would you do if one day you opened your email and find a letter from a stranger claiming to be your sister? What would you do? How would you feel? Would you hate your parents from keeping it from you your whole life? Would you hate that person for changing who you thought you were? (only child to becoming a sister and aunt in one letter)

I am sitting here sick to my stomach because I just did that to someone. I have a half sister who is in her early 20's and has lived her life as and only child. The sad part is everyone around her, (parents, aunts, uncles and cousins) all knew otherwise. I am sure that she will feel betrayed by them in some manner but it was her parents choosing. I am worried if I did the right thing but i have been waiting for 18 years to do the right thing. I can now only hope and wait to see what she will do. I am praying for the Lord's grace in the situation. Hoping I can speak softly and with wisdom. I am also praying that I will accept what ever the Lord has planned for me in this. So far it has been for me not to have a role in my earthly Father's life. I hope this will be a new page. I have spent my whole life hurting for him and when I let that go I have spent my time sad that this young woman has not known that she had a sister. When I was a little girl I used to beg my mom for a sister. Of course I was blessed with a great brother who is 10 years younger than me so clearly he does not call me for sisterly advice. Which is ok, what little relationship he and I have I will take because he is a great guy and I am blessed to have him. But on the other hand there is something about a sister bond that I desire. (always have) I so envy my sister-in-laws while we get along great they are in laws and we speak every few weeks but the 2 of them talk everyday and I feel silly and somewhat desperate to say let me into your sister circle so I have never shared my heart with them out of fear of being laughed at.

Many people have told me to let it go but I cannot. It is family and I cannot just forget about her. It is like saying "hey there sorry about losing your foot but just forget about it and move on." Ugh!!!! people are generally trying to make me feel better but unless you have gone through it don't share you opinion please because until you are in that place you just don't know how your heart will fill.

So here I sit wondering if she will ever respond.